*Longread*
In our overcrowded modern life, we have to keep a lot of balls in the air: work, family, church or volunteer work, a social life, hobbies, and so on. It is therefore not surprising that many people long for simplicity and attention. But how do you achieve them? How can you maintain peace and order in your head, heart and home?
A rule of life can help with this, as I discovered myself. Inspired by a whole list of writers who went before us, (Check out my Rule of Life Literature List) I developed my personal rule of life in 2018, which I further refined and elaborated on in the years that followed and which I have published in a workbook format.
Pressure cooker
I really needed that rule of life, because my life was a big pressure cooker at that time in 2018. We were in the middle of our fifth international move. With homeschooling, finishing local work and simultaneously looking for future work, housing and schools in the Netherlands, the tasks were growing beyond my control.
After four years of living with this newly developed rule of life, I felt the time was right to share it. During Advent 2022, I locked myself in a monastery in the Alps for a week. I processed all my collected notes, ideas and quotes into a practical workbook. I wanted to find an answer to the question: How do I bring some of the peace and rhythm that I experience here into the hustle and bustle of everyday life outside the monastery walls?
The rule of life uses the Dutch word HOUVAST, meaning “hold on.” It offers a framework for describing your roles, values, and goals; daily and weekly rhythms; and an overview in which you develop rhythm in seven areas of life. In this way, you create an outline of everything you find important. For everyday life, I use the acronym: HOLD ON.
The H stands for Holy ground: a good start. The O stands for Organizing: just making a plan. The L is for Let’s get to work: Get started! The D is for Dear ones around you and connecting with them. The O is for Oh! My body: it needs your attention too. The N is for Nurturing your soul and sensitivity: how do you cherish your soul? And the full stop is for the art of wrapping up.
These seven characters represent seven areas of life that I want to pay attention to.
How does that work in practice? For each day of the week, I work with a day card with the characters HOLD ON. vertically on it. Behind each letter, I describe in one word what is asked of me that day. In this way, I give each day and each area of life the necessary attention. Some days, one area of life gets more attention than another. At the end of the week, I take stock and put my day cards next to each other on the table. In this way, I see where there are gaps and which area of life needs more attention.
Of course, we all experience turbulent times when we are in survival mode. That is not a bad thing. But at the same time, it is my experience that in a storm, the rule of life can provide extra support. A rule of life may sound rigid and strict, but it can be seen more as a framework and a set of good habits. If you start living with it, you will fill it in in the way that suits you. Take into account the season in which you live and the values you find important.
Our contexts are very diverse; maybe you have just started studying, you have a young family, or you are from the sandwich generation. Or maybe you are chronically ill. In short, every situation requires its own attention.
Good habits
These are, for example, a number of good habits that help me to live holistically: I start and end the day and week from rest, from a healthy Benedictine perspective. The pillars of that rest determine my daily and weekly rhythm. I then formulate my tasks. From rest and order, I then get moving.
I also regularly seek connection with others. Between 7 p.m. and 9 a.m., I do not have to eat; I practice a form of periodic fasting. You can also apply that fasting to your telephone use, for example, by giving your telephone a fixed place in the living room during the evening and night and using an alarm clock to wake up.
Furthermore, I pay attention to my soul and senses, for example, by listening to or making beautiful music and preparing tasty, nutritious meals.
Monastery wisdom
- Obedientia: doing what is asked of you.
- Stabilitas: sailing a steady course and being faithful.
- Conversio morum: the daily improvement of attitude and lifestyle.
This rule of life is based on three wise elements from the monastery. First of all, Obedientia: doing what is asked of you in obedience and responding to it. Stabilitas: sailing a steady course and being faithful to the set of qualities (your strength) and responsibilities (your challenge) that are on your plate. Conversio morum is the third element: the daily improvement of attitude and lifestyle. It makes the rule of life merciful; after all, you can start over every day.
The Benedictine life offers a key to preventing the hustle and bustle of everyday life from swallowing you up through the art of beginning and the art of stopping. You start from rest and you end with rest. It is the spaces that give your life breath. You learn to live proactively instead of reactively running from pillar to post.
No quick fix
A rule of life is not a quick-fix method. Setbacks and difficulties will still happen to you. After all, life is not something you can control. But with the rule of life, you practice the art of living with the circumstances given by God. That requires intentional living and cherishing the good, true and beautiful. And as is the case with rules of life, they grow organically and slowly. I still work on these themes every day and every week. Intentional living with a personal rule of life gave me so much grip that I decided to make it into a workbook.
I invite you to develop your personal rule of life. Living with a rule of life can help you to live a blessed life – a life that does not swallow you up.
Kind regards,
Janneke
P.S. Would you like to receive a personally signed copy on your doorstep? Let me know here. I will contact you, and we will arrange the rest together.