In our busy lives, we have a lot of balls to juggle: work, family, church or volunteer work, a social life, hobbies, and so on. It is not surprising that many people long for simplicity and attention. But how do you we find them? How can you maintain peace and order in your head, heart and home?
A rule of life can help with this, as I discovered for myself. Inspired by, among others, the bestseller A Rule of Life for Beginners by Wil Derkse, I developed my personal rule of life outside the monastery walls in 2018. I further refined and elaborated on it in the years that followed, and it was published in 2024 in a practical workbook by a Dutch publisher. I think that it is much needed in our current time given the hectic pace of everyday life and our 24-hour economy, not to mention the distraction of the internet and smartphones.
Pressure cooker
I desperately needed a rule of life because at one point, my life felt like a pressure cooker. We were in the middle of our fifth international move. With homeschooling, finishing local work, and simultaneously searching for work, housing, and schools in the Netherlands, I was completely overwhelmed by all I had to do and decide.
Thus was born my self-developed rule of life. After four years of living with it, I felt the time was right to share it. During Advent 2022, I locked myself in a hermitage in a monastery in the Alps for a week. I compiled all my collected notes, ideas, and quotes into a practical workbook. I wanted to answer this question: How can I incorporate some of the peace and rhythm of monastic life into the hustle and bustle of everyday life outside the monastery walls?
The HOLD ON life plan consists of a broad outline and a more detailed one. In the broad outline, you describe your roles, values, goals, and daily and weekly routines, along with an overview in which you develop a rhythm in the seven areas of life. This creates a clear overview of what you find important and the values by which you live. For everyday life, I use the acronym HOLD ON as a common thread that can playfully support your life.
Framework:
Hold on in a nutshell:
H – Holy Ground: A good start, a solid foundation
O – Organizing: Standing still and not moving yet
L – Let’s get started: Done with planning; time for action
D – Dear ones around you: Our beating hearts for others
O – Oh!-my body: Caring for your body through nutrition, exercise and rest
N – Nurturing: Nurturing your soul and sensitivity
. Wrapping up: Wrapping up in a good way and calling it finished
These seven characters represent seven areas of life that require attention.
How does this work in practice?
The key to preventing the hustle and bustle of everyday life from consuming you lies in the Benedictine way of life, mindfully practicing the arts of beginning and ending. You begin with peace, and you end with peace. These are the spaces that breathe life into your life. You learn to live proactively instead of reactively rushing around.
The acronym HOLD ON becomes your stronghold. If you begin and end the Benedictine way of life from peace, you’ve already grasped the beginning and the end, but there are still five areas of focus left. The first two (after Holy Ground) are task-oriented. If it suits your life rhythm to focus on organizing and executing your tasks in the morning, you can seek connection in relationships, pay attention to your body, and nurture your senses in the afternoon.
It’s clearly not that rigid and linear. These categories flow into, over, and through each other, just as real life is lived. Playfully. Yet, these areas of life are your anchors, a channeling system. Like a river with bedding and a better flow. Through regularly examining, you live with attention and awareness for what is urgent and what can wait till later.
Examining
Spring is slowly breaking through, and the days are lengthening. Looking back on the past winter, I see that I wasn’t very productive from mid-November to mid-January – an observation. It was Advent, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve. But there was so much connection, with family and others! What a wonderful holy ground there was for the new year as we celebrated Christmas as a family in a monastery in the mountains. How my senses were nourished. And our bodies received attention through spending time outdoors in the mountains.
So, no worries. No judgment. Just attentive examination. And, if necessary, there can be fine-tuning in the time ahead.
Of course, we all experience turbulent times when we’re in survival mode. That’s perfectly fine. But at the same time, it’s my experience that a rule of life can provide extra stability, especially during a storm. I see a rule of life as a framework and a set of good habits. If you live by it, you’ll interpret it in a way that suits your personality, taking into account the season you’re in and the values you hold dear.
Because our lives are very diverse: perhaps you’ve just started college, have a young family, or are part of the sandwich generation. Or perhaps you’re dealing with a long-term illness. Perhaps you’re looking back on your life and finding yourself alone for the first time. In short, every situation demands its own attention.
Good habits
For example, these are a few good habits that help me live holistically. Between 7:00 PM and 9:00 AM, I don’t eat, a form of intermittent fasting. This fasting also applies to my phone use; during the evening and night, it has a fixed spot in the living room, and I use an old-fashioned alarm clock in my bedroom. My soul and senses are given attention by listening to beautiful music, preparing nutritious meals, and having a beautiful corner in my home where I can always ground myself and search out the Lord.
- Monastic Wisdom
- Obedientia: doing what is asked of you
- Stabilitas: charting a steady course and being faithful
- Conversio morum: the daily improvement of attitude and lifestyle
This rule of life is based on three pillars of monastic wisdom.
Obedientia: doing what is asked of you in obedience and responding to it.
Stabilitas: charting a steady course and being faithful to the set of qualities (your strength) and responsibilities (your challenge) that lie ahead.
Conversio morum is the daily improvement of attitude and lifestyle. It makes the rule of life gracious; you can start anew every day. Even today.
No Quick Fix
A rule of life isn’t a quick fix but rather a craft. Setbacks and difficulties will still happen. Life isn’t something you can control. With a rule of life, you train yourself in the art of living within God’s given circumstances. This requires intentional living and cherishing the good, the true, and the beautiful. Rules of life grow organically and slowly. Of course, life lived is bouncy and turbulent. The good news is you can always start afresh.
Spring is just around the corner; everything is starting to grow again. The question is, what can I pick up and do before summer? The rule of life teaches us to live broadly with the seasons, talents, and limitations that make our lives unique.
Living intentionally with a personal rule of life gave me a sense of peace and the knowledge that we stand in a long tradition. We don’t have to constantly reinvent the wheel but can stand on the shoulders of our ancestors and others who live from the same desire to shape their lives with God, whether within or beyond the monastery walls.
I invite you to develop your personal rule of life. Practice shaping your life with your God-given qualities and challenges in a holistic, circular way so that it continually receives the attention it needs, which will have a healing effect. Living with a rule of life can help you live a blessed life.
I will also announce a 7 week online retreat, this coming Saturday for which you are kindly invited if you would like to practise how to live with your personal Rule of Life.
When: Saturday, March 7 at 20:00 (Europe), 14:00 Toronto (EST)
How: No registration needed, just use this link: https://us06web.zoom.us/j/81397117704?pwd=0DkLwIWXTPO0Q2zhQvJ3J7iuscq2Ri.1
Some of you already have the book, HOLD ON, how to develop your personal Rule of Life, at home. Wonderful!
If you would like to order the book online, here is the link.
If you’d rather read the book online, here’s a link to the online version
Kind regards! Janneke
